Fuck You Google, Retarded Piece of Shit • A Crawling Flood Story

I think the morons from Google in their great wisdom managed to somehow bash one of the sites I’m hosting on a server and this shit ensued. 2 requests per second towards the homepage using an “?u=RANDOM_NUMBER” parameter. Where does it come from? No idea, maybe Google knows. Meanwhile, I pathed this easily with two lines:

index.php (but if you’re using Wordpress, put it in wp-config.php so it doesn’t get deleted on your next update)

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<?php 
	if(isset($_GET['u']) && ($_GET['u'] != '') ) {
		header('HTTP/ 429 Too Many Requests', false, 429);
		echo "Too Many Requests";
		exit;
	}
?>

robots.txt

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Disallow: /*?*u=*

Before you ask, yes, I triple checked the IP and it is actually Google’s.

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131.79.249.66.in-addr.arpa domain name pointer crawl-66-249-79-131.googlebot.com.
Now that I’ve implemented this, and managed to reduce the serving of the pages they were requesting, the server load is down from 14 to 0.4, but the number of requests has increased from 3000 per hour to about 10000 per hour. Thank you, Google! (/s)