After the LOTR and The Hobbit prequel, the Tolkien universe is going even further behind, telling the story of Galadriel, retconned from chick-turned warrior into straight up Xena Warrior Princess.

While the cinematography looks nice and the orcs look decent, the characters are pretty boring, the casting is mostly a miss, the actors are bland, flat, and soul-less. I couldn’t empathize with Galadriel, Elrond got downgraded from Hugo Weaving to discount Neil Patrick Harris, and the hobbits are annoying as fuck, so annoying that they can be used as advertising for condoms. And they have dark-skin elves, dwarves and hobbits, but not in main roles, duh. They’re just there to tick the diversity boxes. Everything else is just filler. Watching the first two episodes, it mostly feels like a fantasy-themed soap opera.

While the original Peter Jackson trilogy became a classic because of its great outdoors, casting, acting, music, writing, directing, none of these are successfully done in the tv show with almost the longest name in history.

None of the original magic feeling is captured in this series. This show will either change a lot, or won’t get past season one. Because it is what it is: another money-grab failure from a big company in hope for huge profits. I wonder if the actors had to pee in bottles and do 16-hours shooting days.

Oh, and if you see a bazillion articles like “7 Reasons to Ignore the negative reviews for The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power” and “Amazon’s putting a three-day pause on reviews for The Rings of Power” it means that the marketing department is working heavy on damage control.

Two popcorns and the title for “most expensive flop”.

Update: Third episode is out. The show really looks amazing, but the story is all over the place, you don’t know what’s flashback, what’s dream, and what is present time. It’s decent to watch if you don’t have anything else to see.

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No, it’s not about the Green Arrow. It’s got spies, guns, action, a shit ton of raunchy jokes and beautifully made animations. It’s one of the funniest animations, and it’s thirteenth season is just as good as the others.

Sterling Archer is the world’s most daunting spy. He works for ISIS, a spy agency run by his mother. In between dealing with his boss and his co-workers - one of whom is his ex-girlfriend - Archer manages to annoy or seduce everyone that crosses his path. His antics are only excusable because at the end of the day, he still somehow always manages to thwart whatever crises was threatening mankind.

If you haven’t seen this so far, start with the first season. It’s one of the best comedies and one of the best spy series out there. Six stars and it’s one of the few TV series I have in the Movie Vault.

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What has dragons, a blonde chick that looks like Emilia Clarke had a baby with Matt Damon, Targaryens, gore, violence, nudity, and scheming? Of course, it’s a “Game of Thrones” spin-off prequel. Did I mention the gore? And the nudity? And the dragons?

Happening about 170 years before the Mad King went … errr, mad, the show is just as you’d expect it. Although only one episode got released by the time I’m writing this, the show looks and feels great, having that epic look. Actors seem well casted (well, maybe except for Daenerys Damon), costumes and effects are great.

The show is missing J.J. Abrams, as well as D&D (thank the Seven Gods), so the first episode gets five popcorns, and let’s see what the next episodes will bring.

One thing that’s missing and that will be presented tonight with the second episode is the main intro and its new (or old?) theme song.

Update after three episodes: The Targaryen chick is nice, they’ve really outdone themselves with the gore (I love it), and the TV show feels pretty strong. The theme song is the same, but the intro is different, although done in the same style. This feels like a Game of Thrones, and it’s the best show to watch this autumn.

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Far in a post-apocalyptic future, the human race has lost the sense of sight, and society has had to find new ways to interact, build, hunt, and to survive. All of that is challenged when a set of twins are born with sight.

The third and final season of “See” started to air August 26. The visuals are still great, the acting is masterfully done, including Jason Momoa, who is more than just a pretty boye. Definitely a show worth watching, especially since this season will wrap up the story.

Five popcorns and definitely a good short TV show that is worthy of the Movie Vault.

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This documentary spotlights one of the most contentious deals in football history and the extraordinary player at the center of the storm: Luís Figo.

This is a well-made documentary, just like many around sports legends. The footage is very good, and it features interviews with Luis Figo himself, teammates Roberto Carlos, Pep Guardiola, Fernando Hierro, as well as club presidents Florentino Pérez and Joan Gaspart.

A good documentary about the dramatic transfer of one of the best footballers in the world. Five popcorns and a football. ⚽️

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Life and death of software pioneer John McAfee who developed the software McAfee Antivirus.

This is a story about a programmer turned businessman turned billionaire turned certifiably insane person.

John McAfee was an interesting person, contributing to the Apollo program, Univac, Xerox, Lockheed. On the other hand, he was eccentric, unpredictable, and generally speaking a douche, that allegedly committed suicide in his prison cell, just like the other people that had dirt about high-value US names.

While he had a pretty interesting life, regardless of if you think that he was a genius or a cunt, this documentary falls very short. The first attempt (by Vice, of fucking course) was awful made, and the second one isn’t too bright. The documentary is a decent watch for a late evening, but don’t expect for it to get too many prizes.

Genius or psycho, John McAfee was an interesting person, with a good story to tell, but this documentary isn’t it.

Three popcorns.

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Irregular migrants Okwe and Senay work at a posh London hotel and live in constant fear of deportation. One night Okwe stumbles across evidence of a bizarre murder setting off a series of events that could lead to disaster or freedom.

Not only the movie is wonderfully written by Steven Knight (See, Locke, Spencer), but also the directing by Stephen Frears (Dangerous Liaisons, The Queen, Philomena) is fantastic. Add to the mix the less-shiny part of London, with the abuses on immigrants, mix in some great acting from Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years a Slave, Dr. Strange 2) and Audrey Tautou (Amelie, The Da Vinci Code) and you get yourself a very very good movie. The story grips you and the acting makes it so believable that you root for the characters and you feel their struggle.

Senay: One of the laundry girls did it and now she is free. Okwe: Others are dead! Senay: So they are free, too.

Six popcorns and goes to the movie vault.

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You’re the boss, applesauce!

This movie is based on the rise and fall of socialite Edie Sedgwick, concentrating on her relationships with Andy Warhol and a folk singer.

It’s well made, Sienna Miller playing a great Edie, while Guy Pearce is astonishing as Andy Warhol. Everything about the technical side of the movie is spot on, acting, cinematography, costumes, music, you name it.

Five popcorns and it goes into the Movie Vault.

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The Black Dynamite animated series further chronicles the exploits of the central character, Black Dynamite and his crew. Action comedy-spoof that follows ex-C.I.A. Agent and full-time ladies man, Black Dynamite, who’s out to avenge the death of his brother against kung-fu masters, drug-dealing pimps, and The Man.

After the great success of the 70s blaxploitation satire movie, Michael Jai White, Byron Minns, Kym Whitley and Tommy Davidson reprise their roles as Black Dynamite, Bullhorn, Honey Bee and Cream Corn respectively.

The series follows the movie in style, wiht over-the-top violence, sexual and adult jokes, great music and awesome (voice) acting. There are 19 episodes divided in two seasons, so you can watch this in one night. It’s that good and that funny.

Six popcorns and it goes into the Movie Vault.

SUEYYYY!!!

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This is the story of 1970s African-American action legend Black Dynamite. The Man killed his brother, pumped heroin into local orphanages, and flooded the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor. Black Dynamite was the one hero willing to fight The Man all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House.

This is a very funny movie, filled with comic scenes, and most of the goofs are intentional, because parodies the lack of film production expertise on the sets of the original “blaxploitation” movies that this movie is referencing. The over-the-top acting and story, the excellent 70s music, the sex jokes, everything is perfectly crafted into a funny masterpiece.

Six popcorns and it goes into the Movie Vault.

SUEYYYY!!!

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You don’t have any idea where you are, do you?

A writer from New York City attempts to solve the murder of a girl he hooked up with and travels down south to investigate the circumstances of her death and discover what happened to her.

A nicely paced movie, well-written, directed and acted by B.J. Novak. The story is good and unfolds slowly and nicely with the right amount of unexpected twists. The humour is perfectly placed as a source for awkward moments, and you’re always wanting to learn more about Abbie and her fate.

Visually, the movie is beautiful, and the music helps it a lot. And speaking of acting, Ashton Kutcher does a hell of a job as record producer Quentin Sellers. Actually, the entire cast feels super solid, they really have that family chemistry and they perform great together.

A good watch, a good thriller with good comedy and drama parts. Five popcorns.

One hundred percent

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The origin story of the Predator in the world of the Comanche Nation 300 years ago. Naru, a skilled warrior, fights to protect her tribe against one of the first highly-evolved Predators to land on Earth.

This Predator movie is not like your average Predator movie, there aren’t scenes where bullets countlessly fly in all directions. This feels at points like a documentary about raw, low level hunting, stalking your prey and using everything in your advantage. This is a movie about survival and about prey outsmarting the hunter. The acting of main actress Amber Midthunder is spotless, the dog is absolutely lovely, the Predator is smart and strong, which sets the stage up for some intense fighting scenes. There’s a bit of gore, but nothing unexpected. Good to see the bear from the Revenant getting more acting gigs, he’s a solid actor.

All in all, maybe one of the best Predator movies out there. Five stars.

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